Writing With Depression

Most people wouldn’t think it, but the last few months I have been living in my own little circle of Hell. Not in the way that you would notice just by looking at me upon first glance, at least not right away. It happened in little strokes, little itches, little digs; festering like a scab that I couldn’t help but pick at unconsciously.

When I was a teenager, I was diagnosed with depression. But when you’re a that age, it’s a challenge to differentiate depression from teenage angst, so of course it got cast aside by both mine and my mother’s lack of acknowledgement for mental health. As I got older, the feelings didn’t disappear. In fact, they became something else. Like the scab, a series of unfortunate events shaped them into an incurable mark.

Depression is a hard thing to explain to people who don’t have it. In a way, I’m grateful for that. I wouldn’t wish the things I think and feel on anybody. The best examples I can give are provided by the talented Allie of Hyperbole and a Half, who authored Adventures in Depression Part One and Two. Additionally, Depression Quest is a scarily accurate depiction of what life is like living with this insidious disease.

But it doesn’t explain what life has been like for me personally. It doesn’t chronicle the aforementioned Hell that I’ve been living in, on repeat, for years if not my whole life. It’s different for everyone and yet it’s all the same — we’re living with monsters in our heads that are slowly trying to kill us. And for some, the monsters win. It’s a long and grueling battle, and one that no one should have to suffer alone.

Orphan Song

While going through my hard drive, I managed to find this old piece that a friend of mine – Rich Stuart – composed for me. In the past we had worked together on an official soundtrack for another novel of mine, some of which I have uploaded onto the WWW, but today I just feel like sharing an oldie but goodie that is more relevant to the PROJECT SERAPHIM Series.

This song in particular comes up in Chapter Eleven of Seraphim Ascent, and is slightly eluded to several times throughout the series.

Yes, there are lyrics to it, but I’ll have to do some digging to re-find them.

Crowdfunding Campaign #2

So I just started another crowdfunding campaign. My last one wasn’t very successful, and it may be partially due to the way Gofundme works in that you’re practically transparent until you’ve hit a certain milestone of donations.

I don’t like begging. It’s my least favorite thing to do. I’d been raised with the mentality that asking for help is a sign of weakness, and admitting that weakness makes you a lesser person. But the way I see it, I’m not begging for handouts. I’m raising awareness of my creative efforts by rewarding people for their generosity with something in return.

In the indie world, I’ve been told that you don’t really start reeling in a profit until you’ve at least hit your third book. I’m almost done with Seraphim Storm, the second installment of the PROJECT SERAPHIM series. Additionally, I have a prequel novel lined up, as well as other short stories and novellas that I would like to see the light of day sometime in the near future.

No one ever said it was going to be easy, and I had no illusions in my mind that it would be. Despite being a writer, I’m not particularly well-spoken, and I’m only just learning about my new-found confidence in my abilities.

Are there days where I want to just say “fuckit” and throw in the towel? Of course. It’s normal to have those moments of so-called weaknesses. But life is short, and I can’t waste it away with the regret of never following my dreams, doing the thing I love.

That said, if you have any time or money to spare, drop a few dollars into my crowdfunding page on IndieGogo. If you don't cash, then spread the word via Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, or anything in the crazy social media world.

Every little bit helps. :)

Why I Decided To Write A Series

As I’ve mentioned before, PROJECT SERAPHIM had originally been planned as a standalone novel. A very gargantuan novel that rivals many tomes. But my stubborn side refused to have it any other way, even when published authors had advised me against it. I had no major reason for it, other than convincing myself that it just was not necessary.

But when did I start to have second thoughts? What made me decide to throw in the proverbial towel and write a series?

It was after I had committed myself to dividing my sci-fi/horror tome into a duology — two books — that reality smacked me in the face.

RRW's Top 10 Books

Recently I was tagged on Facebook to list my top 10 books that have influenced my life in some way.

Considering I was spending more personal time offline than than on Facebook, I didn't get the chance to tack away. But now I'm able, and since then have decided that the list was important enough to me to put on my blog, with a few additional details that weren't on my original post.

That said, here they are!

1. Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut

There's something about Vonnegut's style that just jives with me. I also have very fond memories of this book from my days in high school, more specifically my classes with my English teacher. In fact, I still have that gut reaction to think or blurt "So it goes" when something/someone dies.

In which case, so it goes.

2. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes

This book made me cry. It made me cry a lot.

I didn't care that much for "journal-styled" novels even back then, but Flowers for Algernon struck a cord in me that I can't ever quite describe. So much so that I wound up naming a character after the titular lab rat, Algernon.

3. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

I know I'm naming a lot of old books that many of us were assigned to read in high school English, and there's a good reason for that: They're just downright damned good books. And I think a lot of kids can benefit reading them and, better yet, learn to enjoy them.

Fahrenheit 451 was different, though - I didn't read it because of a class assignment. I actually read it out of spite over not getting into the advanced English class in my freshman year, though I believed I deserved to. After all, I liked the required reading for the advanced classes better than the standard class that I was assigned to.

I read Fahrenheit 451 not out of necessity because my teacher told me to, but because I wanted to. And it inspired me to seek out more books - by Ray Bradbury included - outside of the classroom. Since then he's become one of my favorite writers.

Rest in peace, Ray.

SERAPHIM ASCENT is Now Available!

SERAPHIM ASCENT: Book One of a new
post-apocalyptic sci-fi/horror series
by R. R. Washburn

→ Paperback ↔ Amazon ↔ Smashwords ↔ Barnes & Noble ↔ Kobo ↔ Apple ←

 

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Well, it’s finally here. It’s been several years in the making, has gone through various drafts, edits, and rewrites. But now I’m slapping it up and marching onwards to the completion of Book Two.

Seraphim Ascent has gone through a variety of transformations over the years. It once started off as a very video game-inspired novel back when I first wrote it in high school. In college it shifted from an action/shooter-esque style to a tale of what has become to be about conspiracies, mind control, mutations, plagues, war, and ultimately about identity. Not just for Rey, but for a bunch of characters trying to find their place.

Originally this series was intended to be a standalone novel, with the first two drafts capped at about 360,000 words. I like big books so at the time I didn’t see anything amiss until people pointed out to me just how insane that would be to print for a first novel. By the second and third drafts I’d planned to write a duology, but by the time I was writing what has now become Seraphim Storm, I felt like I was cheating a lot of the characters’ out of their full potential. Storylines I wanted to explore were constrained by the idea that I probably shouldn’t write about 360,000 word novel, which risked a lot of character arcs I wanted to explore.

But I’m the boss. It’s my story, and I can make it go however the hell I want.

So it became a trilogy, and then a series when I started planning out plotlines for a fourth novel.

At this point, I make no such commitments to numbers to say how long this crazy story will go on. It’s a start, and that’s all I care about.

As Rey would put it, “The only certainty is going forward.”

SERAPHIM ASCENT Book Teaser

With the release day of SERAPHIM ASCENT drawing even nearer and nearer and the cover being officially complete, I decided to throw together a little teaser trailer for the upcoming event. It's short and sweet and I wanted to keep it a little vague... But I'm pretty happy with it!

Also, my official website is LIVE, where you can find more updates in regards to releases and upcoming projects and all that other fun writer stuff.

http://rrwashburn.com/

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